The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
