I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
