booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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