Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
