just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
