So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize