Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
