the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
