dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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