so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
