Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
