She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
