so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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