Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Small penises have feelings too.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
