I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
