I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
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I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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