her vagine was all disorganized.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
