Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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