So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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