i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
