You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
