He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
