his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
