i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
