community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
