Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
