Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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