last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
