I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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