I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
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i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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