I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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