K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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