There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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