Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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