at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
