whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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