Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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