critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
