alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
