so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
