literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
