god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
