did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
