When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you inspire me to be a worse person
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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