We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
