nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
