Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I will pee on everything he values.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
