We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
