I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
