Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
