we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
