Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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