the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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