I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
