this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
