I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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