Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
