My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
