dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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