she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Found the puke drawer
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
