If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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