3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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