If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
