I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
