When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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