her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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