I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
