I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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