This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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