Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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