There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
