You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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