Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
