He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
