you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
